How to Realistically Manage Feelings of Misery: A Survival Guide
Photo by Nikko Balanial on Unsplash
One minute you’re sipping coffee like a champion, ready to conquer the world (or at least that mountain of laundry you’ve been putting off) and the next? You're curled up on the couch feeling miserable and debating if you should just become a professional hermit.
Sound familiar? My friend, you are not alone. Misery is part of the human experience. We have all experienced it and we will again. But the good news is that you can get better at managing those faceplant moments. And no, it doesn’t require a life coach, a 10-step morning routine, or chanting mantras in your mirror (unless that works for you, in which case – chant away!).
Let’s take a look at what causes those emotional sucker punches and review practical strategies to get you (and keep you) on your feet. Buckle up, because we're diving in – and trust me, you’ve got this.
What’s Currently Happening to Cause Feelings of Misery Locally and Globally?
If you’ve turned on the TV, doom-scrolled social media, or listened to pretty much any podcast lately, you’re probably aware that there are a lot of negative emotions whirling about. Whether it’s economic instability, political turmoil, or ever-present environmental and mental health crises, there’s no shortage of things that could cause an individual to have intense feelings of misery.
Closer to home, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the constant stream of work demands, family pressures, or personal struggles that feel impossible to overcome at times. We’re told to “keep going” and “push through,” but no one really teaches us how to actually manage all these emotions without losing our minds. It’s disguised as being told to be ‘resilient’.
Sometimes it can feel like the universe is collectively shaking its head at us, saying, "Better luck next time!" So, how do we realistically deal with all of this on a daily basis?
What is Misery, Really?
Misery isn’t just being grumpy or having a rough day. It’s a complex emotional state that goes beyond a bad mood, like a shadow that engulfs the soul and impacts the human experience in profound and perplexing ways¹. I’m surprised it wasn’t in Inside Out 2, maybe it’ll be in the third one (if they don’t make a trilogy, I will cry).
Misery often manifests as a feeling of deep, persistent dissatisfaction with life. It can be tied to ongoing struggles, emotional pain, mental health, and mood disorders, or a general sense that things aren’t the way they’re supposed to be. And here’s the kicker: misery often feels like it has no clear end in sight. It’s like you’re stuck in quicksand, and the harder you try to reach out for positive emotions, the further they move away from your grasp.
Misery can show up in various ways — mentally, physically, and emotionally. It could look like persistent sadness, hopelessness, irritability, or even physical pain including fatigue, headaches, and trouble sleeping. You might not even realize how much of it is affecting your quality of life until you hit a breaking point. So, it’s essential to acknowledge when you’re feeling miserable — without shame — because we all go through it at some point. Understanding it is the first step in learning how to manage it.
Impact of Misery on Mental Health, Career, and Relationships
When misery strikes, it doesn’t just affect your mood. It has a ripple effect that touches so many aspects of your everyday life, whether you realize it or not.
Mental Health: The longer you’re stuck in a state of misery, the more it can erode your mental health. It can lead to feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and depression. You might start avoiding social situations, lose interest in things that once brought you joy, or experience a general sense of being “off.” The mental toll of misery can feel like carrying around a heavy weight — and that weight only gets heavier the longer it goes unchecked. In moments when I’ve felt miserable, I’ve found myself becoming more reclusive, which is always a sign that something is amiss - because I’m the most extraverted of the extroverts.
Career: Your work can also be deeply impacted by feelings of misery. When you’re mentally and emotionally drained, staying motivated can be an all-out Herculean task. You might find it hard to concentrate or feel uninspired, and have a growth mindset? Forget it. Misery can cause burnout, make it difficult to stay organized, and lead to poor decision-making. Worst of all, you might start resenting your job or the people you work with — and that resentment can quickly spiral into a toxic work environment.
Relationships: Misery doesn’t just impact your outlook on life, it can also lead to isolation in your relationships. Whether it’s a romantic partner, family member, or friend, when you’re stuck in misery with a constant flow of negative feelings, you might withdraw emotionally, become irritable, or unintentionally push others away. This is especially true if you don’t feel comfortable expressing what you’re going through. But the truth is, if you’re not managing your misery, it can start to affect the people you care about. And that’s when things can really start to feel like a never-ending cycle.
Practical Strategies to Manage Feelings of Misery
Okay, now that we know misery is a real, tangible thing, and that it can have a huge impact on our mental health, careers, and relationships, let’s talk about the good stuff: how to manage it. Here are a few practical strategies that can help you navigate the muddy waters of misery:
1. Break It Down:
If you're feeling overwhelmed, break things down into manageable chunks. Misery often feels unbearable because we focus on the whole mountain ahead of us. But if you take one step at a time — whether it’s tackling a small project at work, committing to a healthy diet, focusing on one thing that brings you joy, or reaching out to one person you trust — you start to take back control. My mother always says, “Don’t focus on the forest, focus on each individual tree.” The more complex life gets, the more I find myself referring to that sentiment, and it helps me through.
2. Let Yourself Feel:
It’s okay to feel miserable. You have the capacity to feel that way for a reason. It’s a sign and signal that something is wrong, adjustments need to be made, and you may need support during that process. Seriously, give yourself permission to feel your feelings without judgment. Too often, we’re told to “snap out of it” or “stay positive” (remember Navigating the Fine Line Between Toxic Positivity and Constructive Hope in the Workplace?). But emotions are meant to be felt. When you push them down, they don’t go away — they just wait until they can’t be ignored anymore. So, acknowledge what you’re going through, cry if you need to, and give yourself the space to process.
3. Define and Practice Your Mental Wellbeing Non-Negotiables™️:
The core concept of this Melissa Doman LLC model is about being accountable to and showing up for yourself first (without apology), in the ways you actually need and enjoy, before (and so) you can show up for others.
To create real change in how you manage your mental health, these non-negotiables must be defined, practiced, and maintained by every person - employee and leader - regardless of title or tenure. For the 5 simple steps to create your own Mental Wellbeing Non-Negotiables™️, revisit How Financial Stress Affects Mental Health at Work: Practical Strategies for Coping where it’s described in detail.
4. Talk to Someone:
Misery thrives in silence. Talking to a trusted friend, family member, or colleague can help you process your emotions and gain perspective. Sometimes just getting it out of your head and hearing someone else’s thoughts on the matter can make a world of difference.
5. Create Space for Joy (Even in Small Doses):
Misery might feel like it’s clouding everything, but joy doesn’t need to be an all-or-nothing deal. You don’t need to force yourself to feel happy 24/7. Instead, look for small moments of joy — maybe it’s a funny video, a warm cup of tea, or a walk outside. My personal favorite? Shaking my dog’s butt, because she loves it, and so do I. When you allow joy to coexist with misery, you’re giving yourself a much-needed break from the emotional intensity.
6. Set Realistic Expectations:
Life isn’t perfect, and neither are you. When you’re feeling miserable, it’s easy to pile on unrealistic expectations for yourself. Maybe you’re putting pressure on yourself to “fix everything” right away. Cut yourself some slack. Set small, achievable goals that help you move forward, even if it’s at a slower pace than you’d like.
When to Seek Professional Help
Managing misery can be tough, and sometimes, you might need more than just a few self-care tips. If your feelings of misery persist, start interfering with your daily life, or escalate to the point of feeling trapped in a dark place, it’s time to reach out for help. Therapy or counseling can provide a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your feelings and get support. A mental health professional can help you work through the root causes of your misery and offer coping strategies that are tailored to your unique situation. You don’t have to do it alone.
Misery is a part of life, but it doesn’t have to rule your life
With the right mindset and strategies, you can manage it in ways that will help you regain feelings of control. Remember to take things one step at a time, allow yourself to feel, and seek support when you need it. You have the tools to navigate this and shape a meaningful life for yourself.
Now take a deep breath. You are not alone.
READY TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?
If you’re ready to create real change in your company by making conversations about mental health at work a priority, let’s get started. Mel will walk you through her in-person and virtual customized programs and services, based on your company's needs. We know mental health conversations are difficult, but asking for help doesn’t have to be.
